It is not easy navigating through the emotions of loss of control in one’s life. I could see the diminishing control my mother felt as she became more ill. My mother’s mantra ,was used frequently when she felt that did not  receive the respect that she wanted or needed. In ignoring her cry for dignity and made her feel less than and small, which was not my intention. Frustrated with the many situations, colored my actions and unkind words.

Do we reach those golden years developing a narrowing focus of the issues in our lives?  Conveniently forgetting a medical problem, how long you have been taking medicine or saying to others you do not know why you have to take the medicine. Is it a form of wishful thinking? If you do not acknowledge it, it is not true or real. Or Do we return to a childlike mentality; only seeing what we would like to have happen.

My mother was very bright and you could not get much past her. It surprised me  that she would conveniently forget that she took blood pressure meds.  And made it point to mention to anyone new that she did not take blood pressure meds and had been taking them for a decade. Correcting her was futile, as she completely ignored me.

Having and keeping humor, sympathy, and respect for your loved one, is not easy.  Reminding them of the reality of the situation can be challenging. They will not want to listen and will balk at your suggestions and corrections about the situation. I suggest, employing patience, staying calm, lots of humor and giving loving respect to your loved one.

I would take back my words, if I could and express them in a more loving way.   Armed with insight from article, I hope you will make more loving choices in the care of your loved one. Be kind, loving and forgiving of yourself as well.


CK Brashares

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